Welcome back, my dear readers, to the continuation of the biggest online dating mistakes you don’t want to make – Part II.
I’m hoping these next ones will be as helpful to you as the first five.
So, without further ado, let’s get right to them:
5) Accepting anyone out of loneliness or the promise of sex.
You’re Mormon, and she’s an atheist who drinks tons of coffee. He’s a truck driver and she’s a flight attendant. The chances of you spending any quality time together, is, at best, remote. She desperately wants to enter into family life and he doesn’t want kids—probably a no go, right?
Yet, in your desire to be connected and cared about, you go for him or her anyway— another big mistake. Not only will this connection most likely end in failure, but you’ll be wasting valuable time and energy as you mistakenly give your love to the wrong person, and miss out on just the “right one” for you.
Sure, most of us want to love and be loved.
And God knows, it’s not easy to find that special person, especially online. We don’t want to go unloved for long, and too many of us are willing to accept almost anyone we find, because we’re feeling lonely.
Maybe there’s that exciting promise of a new and improved sex life. If you haven’t been physical with anyone for a long time, this might tempt you even more to settle for less.
Needless to say, this love-seeking strategy, when all is said and done, could prove disastrous. At the end of the day, it’s much better to enter into love for all the right reasons.
6) Too many prospects!
Simply put, are you juggling too many potential online “prospects”? Are you having trouble keeping all their stories straight? Are you responding to them with all the wrong names? Are you commenting about their nursing career when, in fact, they groom dogs? Oops…
It might be a good idea, instead, to limit how many online dating connections you’re able to deal with at one time, before you fall into a web of hopelessly “crossed lines” and utter confusion.
And you’ll know you’ve made that mistake when all your connections drop you like a lead balloon—all at the same time!
7) Becoming too obsessive and compulsive.
I don’t know how many clients I’ve dealt with who meet a prospective partner (online, or not), then become obsessed with them. Some even develop a heavy case of “love addiction,” which is not about love at all, where they begin using their new online connection like an addictive drug.
I’m always reminding my clients and readers to do the crucial inner work of self-improvement and the rigorous practice of self-care, in order not to fall into this extremely destructive obsessive-compulsive way of living—which isn’t really living at all.
Suffice to say, that when a prospective online partner senses any pathological neediness, obsession, and compulsivity, they’ll run for the hills (that is, if they’re healthy).
So be healthy and careful not to make that big mistake of looking towards another to fix or complete you, because it just won’t work.
9) Bad online manners.
Here’s some thoughts when emailing (or texting) a potential partner:
a) For one, don’t be controlling or dominating. Having leadership skills or an outgoing personality is one thing, but coming across like Adolph Hitler or the Queen of Hearts, surely won’t win you any intimacy points
b) Try not to swear like a truck driver (not that they all do!). I believe that intelligent writing, without all the needless cursing, shows a basic respect for the other, especially when you’re just starting up an online conversation. Not to sound like a straight-laced moralist. Once you’ve struck up a conversation, you can gauge the compatibility of your speaking styles. If you both like to curse, then let it rip!
c) When responding by email, do not judge or criticize a prospective online partner, unless you want them to go away and never communicate with you again. Enough said.
10) Dropping the online connection.
If you’ve found someone who you are initially attracted to, and would like to know more about them, do not drop or cause a break in your newfound connection. Keep the conversation alive by answering all responses from the other with a thoughtful response of your own, either by email, phone, or maybe even a suggestion to meet face-to-face.
Remember in Part I, how I emphasized the importance of actually meeting face-to-face?
A surefire way to end any potential for future love is to stop your end of the communication. The momentum will surely slow to a crawl and eventually stop altogether. Unless this is your intention, don’t do it!
So, that’s my little list of the biggest online dating mistakes to avoid when you’re navigating that often tricky, yet potentially rewarding world of internet dating. With all that in mind, I wish you great success with your online search for love!
If you have any comments, or would like to add to this list of biggest online dating mistakes, please share them with me and all of my other readers in the comments section below.