relationship advice for men

Rick Santos…no, not the retired American drag racer, but the self-described “media professional,” wrote an interesting (and somewhat controversial) online blog entitled, “8 Guys that Won’t Commit.” In the article, he writes about the problem of “getting” guys to commit to a woman for a love relationship.

Santos goes on to describe 8 basic types of non-committal men, starting with:

The “Narcissist,” you know, the self-involved man who thinks too much of himself ever to want to get together with anybody? (What about the female narcissists? Aren’t they out there, too?)

Then there’s the “Middle Aged Boy,” the Peter Pans who never really grow up. Santos even says that “guys never truly grow up” and that us men only “act” mature. (Just an act? I’m not too sure about that statement.)

He follows this up with the “Scatter Brain,” the one who can never get his act together and waits, and waits, and waits for the exact moment, the precise time in life, to commit. (We’re not all bumbling Jerry Lewises, are we?)

The “Poor Boy,” (there’s also a pre-packaged pastrami sandwich by that name), who seems to want to commit himself to the other only when he’s financially stable. (Am I nuts, or does that sound reasonable?) Santos says that this kind of guy thinks dates cost a lot of money, too! (Well, it’s true… sometimes.)

Then there’s “The Stud,” the “pro-athletes and rock stars,” those manly hunks who can, at any time, land any girl in the universe. (Yep, I guess some of them won’t want to commit to one person.  Then again, there’s lots of “hunks” who will.)

Santos talks about the overly-sexed “Horn Dog,” the sleaze ball who only thinks of sex, sex, and more sex. (As if you’ll never get enough sex with the one you love? And don’t women think a lot about sex, too? Am I missing something here?)

And then there’s the “Bionic Worker,” those work-addicted dudes who just want to live in the office and make a bunch of cash. (Why would you even want to consider them as available, prospective partners in the first place?)

Rounding out Rick Santos’ list of guys that won’t commit, are what he calls, “Damaged Goods.”  These are the wounded guys – the ones who’ve been involved in painful relationships and the explosive break ups that usually follow. How do you “get” those “hopelessly lost boys” to commit? (Then again, who’s on the other end of those failed relationships?  Seems to me, it’s not just the men who get hurt.)

So there you have it; those guys that you better watch out for if you want a successful love relationship – the “bad seeds” to spot before it’s too late. Okay, fair enough. But I have a few bones to pick here:

1)     Yes, I do think that it’s important to be somewhat vigilant when you meet that potential “someone.” But I also think it’s important to go into any new relationship, (any Honeymoon Period), with a spirit of openness and positive regard of the other.  There’s already so much mistrust between the sexes out in today’s dating scene, that being overly-guarded just might sabotage the relationship before it even has a chance to get off the ground!

2)     I think Mr. Santos is verging on the stereotyping of men here, as if the majority of them just might be self-indulgent, emotionally wounded, over-sexed, and over-worked fools.  Sure, these types of guys exist and could pose a problem for any sincere woman who’s truly open to the pursuit of new love.  But the whole spirit of this article seems to be somewhat biased against men – AS IF WOMEN NEVER ENCOUNTERED OR EMBODIED THE SAME PROBLEMS OR NEGATIVE PERSONALITY TRAITS as those screwed-up guys described in this blog!  It seems to me that BOTH men and women can be narcissists, immature, scatter-brained, financially-challenged, highly attractive, sex-obsessed, or work-addicted. I just happen to think that BOTH men and women are from Planet Earth! (Sorry John Gray, but I think we have more in common than you think!)

3)     And Rick Santos does a great job laying out these problematic personality types, those walking “red-flags” that can quickly put an end to any promising love relationship.  But I also think that the majority of people out there, (both genders!), just want to love and be loved, regardless of any personality problems or life issues they may be facing. Being careful about who you get involved with is crucial, but a modicum of initial trust,acceptance, and even tolerance, can go a long way for eventual relationship success, as well.

So I thank you, Mr. Santos, for bringing up this controversial and often baffling issue  regarding fear of commitment in love relationships.

To be continued…











































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