So much of what I write about has to do with relationship longevity and keeping the love between two partners going. And that’s what I’m writing to you about today; keeping the fires of love burning for a long, long time – creating what I call a honeymoon forever.
As I’m constantly perusing the internet for new ideas and ways to think about lifelong love, I occasionally come across postings on the subject that grab my attention and teach something new. Today, I read such an article written by Chaunie Brusie for Babble.com, entitled, “7 Ways to Tell If Your Love Will Last Forever” – talk about right up my alley!
I appreciate Brusie’s introductory remarks that most relationships require something more to sustain them than “presents, parties, or fancy honeymoon suites”. I agree with that, because most of what I read about relationships belongs more in the sphere of fantasy thinking and misconceptions about what really drives and sustains partnerships.
So let’s check out some of these signs that your relationship is strong enough to last a lifetime!
Trust your gut
Brusie first talks about a study that supposedly measures the basic happiness or unhappiness of couples and the likelihood of which ones would or would not break up. Not surprisingly, those couples that were identified as unhappy, through a series of pictures presented to them, were most likely to prematurely end their partnerships. So nothing too new here, yet still an important gauge, a “happiness gut check” to keep in mind when assessing relationship strength.
You are a better person with your partner than you are without
Brusie talks about her own marriage of six years and how her partner “has made her a better person”. She says that “[he] has been the rock that I know will never leave.”
I can live with that kind of affirming and positive proclamation anytime.
Though we certainly need to be able to stand on our own two feet in relationships (we’ll talk more about that in the next paragraph), it’s important for us to feel that our partner adds to our life, enriches our personality, and inspires us to be the best person we can be.
You don’t depend on each other for happiness
Now, her third sign that your relationship will last a lifetime, is a particularly good one: “You don’t depend on each other for happiness”. Bingo.
I believe that happiness is always a spin-off or welcomed result from a lot of hard work done on the self. Happiness is an “inner job”, something that can never be “given” or “bestowed” upon another.
Brusie reiterates this fact by using her own marriage as a poignant example, including this fitting summation: “Marriage is a source of happiness no doubt, but marriage alone cannot make you happy.” Amen to that.
You don’t believe in soul mates
Here’s a controversial idea – “you don’t believe in soul mates” for lasting love. When I first read this, I said to myself, not soul mates? Are you kidding me? How can you not be soul mates and still have a lasting relationship?
Then, I read on, and realized what was being said here – that relationships aren’t merely a matter of divine destiny, but that they require more intentional action and focused assertiveness to keep it all going – to keep those love fires burning.
As cited blogger Hannah so passionately states in the article, with such wise conviction:
“I delight in choosing to love him every day. I like it better this way, with the pressure on me and not on fate, cosmos, or divinity. I will not fall out of love, cannot fall out of love, because I willingly dived in and I’m choosing daily to stay in. This is my joyous task, my daily decision.”
Now, to me, this is a profound statement of the personal responsibility required to choose and create love on a daily basis. True relationship success is all about this kind of absolute and unquestioned intention. And I bet her partner has that same intense commitment to this continuous creating (and re-creating) of love that will last a lifetime.
You have realistic expectations
Ah, all those pesky expectations that most couples have.
Expectations can work if they’re realistic, where each partner has an accurate view and image of the other and a deep understanding of their respective roles in the relationship.
Brusie goes on to say that “no unrealistic expectations about a life of pure bliss and toilet paper rolls that change themselves.” I like the sobering truth behind those words and the notion that those who go into a relationship thinking that they can fundamentally change the other will most likely have short lived relationships.
Realistic expectations are definitely strong signs of relationship longevity.
You dream about the future together
The idea here is that couples who can actively plan for the future, and set realistic goals, with a mutual expectation that their partnership will last, are the ones that will stay together. Or, as I like to say, the couples that dream together, stay together. To me, this optimistic approach is an obvious sign of lasting love.
So, there you have it: 6 Signs Your Relationship is Strong Enough to Last a Lifetime.
I happen to agree with these signs of relationship strength and fortitude, although there certainly are many more of these indicators that the conditions are right for lifelong intimacy.
What are some other signs that you can think of? Leave your comments below!