“You need what you need
You can say what you want
Not much you can do when the feeling is gone
May be blue skies above
But it’s cold when your love’s on the rocks”
Neil Diamond- “Love On The Rocks”
Love in Bloom
It’s always so great when you’re having a good run with your new love.
You can’t wait to see her or him, you walk around like you’re walking on a cloud, feeling almost high, the sex is terrific, and life just seems amazing. Your friends are excited for you and say how much you’ve changed for the better. “You seem so much happier!” they exclaim.
Things are going well, you think. Futuristic ideas, like an idyllic life together, even marriage, are starting to become a real possibility.
I refer to this exhilarating and hopeful first phrase of a love relationship, as the Honeymoon Period, when the possibilities of true love are at their peak.
After all, you’re on a natural high…
Love on the Rocks
Then, unexpectedly, those dreaded words flash across your cellphone, “We need to talk.” Your stomach tightens up with anxiety; something’s gone wrong, terribly wrong.
You have that talk, and the inevitable happens; your relationship roof falls in, and the foundation of your once-mutual love crumbles right before your eyes – and your poor heart breaks into a million pieces.
The jig’s up and, just like that, the love you thought should’ve lasted a lifetime, is suddenly and tragically smashed onto the jagged rocks of life.
I Never Saw It Coming!
“But I never saw it coming!” you bitterly cry out into the dark lonely night of the soul.
I hear you, and I believe you.
You really didn’t see “it” coming, possibly because you were so caught up in the excitement and power-packed endorphin release that most of us feel when we’re happily blissed out on that life-giving elixir we call love.
Somehow, you missed seeing some of the red flags that should’ve signaled to you that all was not well, that your new relationship was truly in jeopardy.
And there’s no blame here – apparently, you just didn’t notice…
Some Warning Signs
For your next love go round, or for those that are just embarking on a new journey to romance, here’s a short list of some warning signs to keep in mind, even when you think all is going well with your partner:
1) The disappearing act
Remember when you couldn’t wait to see or talk with your new lover? Remember when you communicated all the time, and so eagerly professed your love to each other, on an almost daily basis?
Now, your phone conversations are shorter, or you’re even routinely cut-off, as your usually attentive partner tells you how busy they are, or worse yet, all you get is that lousy voicemail.
Remember the constant flow of texts and all those quick responses from your beloved partner? Now it takes days to hear back.
Where is he?
Where’d she go, you wonder?
The waning presence of your partner is definitely something to notice and do something about – ASAP.
2) Growing physical & emotional distance
This one relates closely to the first warning sign:
There’s a general distancing that’s happening, more and more.
It just seems like your partner is less available, while an uncomfortable chilliness is gradually creeping into the relationship.
Subtle at first, the frequency of sex may be slowly declining, as well as all those previous displays of affection, which seem to be happening less and less.
Sometimes, this distancing is your partner’s way of saying, “I want out,” but they’re just too afraid to let you know.
The point is, in your hopes and possibly some denial, you may be sadly overlooking this slow-developing estrangement – and that ain’t good.
3) Conflicts arise & communication stumbles
Are you walking on eggshells? Do you begin to avoid conversations with your loved one? Has all meaningful communication slowed to a mere trickle? Are arguments on the rise? Does conflict seem to be increasing?
Here we go again, with the distance ever-mounting between the two of you.
Whether you’re getting more and more of the silent treatment, or your partner is increasingly in your face, less tolerant and more judgmental, these are obviously bad signs that your relationship is in deep trouble.
4) “I need space…”
Another bad sign.
Whether gradually or suddenly, when your partner is fighting for more time away from you, it’s not an encouraging thing, especially if lasting love is what you had in mind.
Real lovers, real partners, show their love by desiring more time with their mates, not less.
I’m sure that you’ve seen those couples who spend lots of time together, who just can’t seem to keep their hands of each other? Now, that’s a real sign of true love, not a potential death knell of a relationship.
Requests for more space, which is understandable, even helpful for some couples, does not usually bode well for future love success.
Asking for more space can even be a indication that your partner’s ready to make an exit, sometimes sooner than later.
Again, it’s so vital to be aware of this kind of distancing behavior, ahead of time…
5) That crappy feeling…
Sometimes you just know that your relationship is going downhill, and maybe that’s for the best.
But, it sure feels crappy.
I always say, better to know the truth than to be blinded by the amassing dark clouds of inevitability…
Actually, the bigger problem is when you continue to ignore the warning signs. We call that denial, and that can be, not only very destructive, but so emotionally painful, as well.
Sure, you may be able to ignore the signs and attempt to rationalize your partner’s distancing and increased lack of communication, but you can’t avoid the writing on the wall, forever.
It may be time to face the reality that your relationship is on the skids.
What can I do?
So, what can you do when love appears to be flying out the window?
Well, you could attempt to confront your partner when you do see troubling signs.
You could try to talk it out and reason with your loved one.
You could even suggest some couples’ counseling in order to restore some love and order to your dwindling relationship.
Then again, it may be too late.
So, you cut your losses and move on.
Either way, it’s always the best to keep your eye on the basic health or unhealthiness of your existing partnership, and not to take anything for granted.
Awareness, openness, and positive communication – don’t let them leave without it!
* So, what other warning signs may signal the end of a love relationship? What are your experiences with the fading out of a once-hopeful relationship? Was there a way to stop it, or did you just have to accept it and move on with your life? Please tell us your particular relationship warning signs and how you deal with them once they emerge, in the comments section below. We’d love to hear your feedback!