Love junkies we were.
We’d do anything for the high.
Our clothes were interwoven,
and we’d get tangled in our lies.
“Sinners!”they would call us.
They’d look at us and judge.
But what good would it do them?
We were hooked, and wouldn’t budge. -Love Junkies (JJCNana9009)
Every day, in my ongoing search for new ideas and perspectives about love and sex, I routinely come across online articles with provocative and quirky titles like:
”The Million and One Best Ways to Find the Ultimate Love of Your Life!”
“How to Have Hot Sex with Your Cold Partner”
“How to Have Even Hotter Sex with a Warm Stranger”
“Liven Up Your Search for Love by Doing These 100 Simple Things”
“Liven Up Your Search for Sex by Doing These 100 Simple Things”
“How to Be a Part of the New Sexual Revolution in 3 Easy Steps!
And on, and on, and on…
That’s great; we should all be openly writing and talking about love and sex, in all its ever-changing twists and tumultuous turns.
And, who, among us, wouldn’t want to tap into all the latest ways to connect with another?
After all, we’re human beings; we’re wired for it…
A cornucopia of delights
The fact is, there’s never been a time when securing sex or finding love was so easy, thanks to the countless offerings found on the internet.
Just check out the surplus of online dating sites. (I count over a thousand!)
Now, with a simple click of the mouse, you can find a partner who truly fits your busy lifestyle and your deepest desires.
Now, you can hit the courts with that special guy who also loves tennis!
Or, you can dreamily ride your horse into the sunset, with another kindred horse lover. (Works with camels, too!)
Ah, the joy of new love!
If a sexual hook-up is what you’re after, try the Tinder app or check out all those tempting online ads which promise an exciting roll in the hay (of course, for a price).
Or for the even more confidentiality-minded, there’s always the Ashley Madison site. Oops! Forget that one!
The point is, there’s something for everyone – you just have to know where to look, right?
Sex & Love Addiction
But, on a more serious note, it’s not that simple or fun for sex and love addicts.
For those unfortunate souls, it’s all about compulsivity and obsession as constant driving forces, where the insatiable search for sex and love completely takes one over, often in the most self-destructive ways imaginable.
All those online assurances of eternal love and widespread sensual pleasure, can routinely take this particular type of addict down, in a heartbeat.
For most of us, the web is a veritable buffet of eye-catching, hi-tech pleasures.
For the sex and love addict, it’s more like a horde of daunting, psychic land mines.
A love junkie is really no different from a meth freak or a pathological gambler, who desperately search for that next dopamine hit, and, all too often, tragically ends up on the mean streets of oblivion, hopelessly strung-out and spiritually broken.
After all, addiction is addiction.
And a fix is a fix…
A very special article
Which leads me to a fairly short yet brilliant article, penned by Ethlie Ann Vare. (You can follow her on Twitter: www.twitter.com/LoveAddict_Book.)
When it comes to the perils and pain of sex and love addiction, she’s got it down cold.
Many times, I’ll comment on various articles that I come across, and just post a few tasty quotes.
But, with Ethlie’s incredibly perceptive take, I just had to include it here, for your review, as is:
“This brave new digital age is a hell of a time to be a sex and love addict. If what it’s doing for you still outweighs what it’s doing to you, it’s a great time. You can feed your addiction every hour of the day or night without ever leaving your room. Hot and cold running Tinder hook-ups. OK Cupid suitors spilling from your screen at the touch of a button – pay two dollars, and 1000 potential Prince Charmings splay out in front of you like window dressing in a candy store.
If, however, it’s reached the point where the hangover has gotten worse than the high… that’s gotta suck. I feel you. I can picture myself falling through the screen for days, swiping left and swiping right, imagining every face there staring down into my eyes with lust and adoration. I can see myself spending hours of what should be my work day, corresponding with my latest Soulmate of the Month in an ecstasy of anticipation. Every disappointing hookup, every dreary date would be a fresh letdown – and let’s face it, most hook-ups are disappointing and most dates are dreary. Every aftermath brings a new crash, another withdrawal. No energy, no appetite, no self-esteem, no desire to do anything except maybe get back online and search for new love. Because this time, this time it’s going to be different.
Ever shied away from commitment because you’re afraid there might be someone better right around the corner? Guess what. There is someone better right around the corner. Or, at least, someone different. Someone new. As any good love junkie will tell you, novelty is a great aphrodisiac. We live for that dopamine hit, the eroticism of anticipation. Is there anything more thrilling than the Ding! of an incoming message, more satisfying than seeing the badge numbers tick up on your screen icon? How many people desire me now? How about now?
There’s a reason that self-help programs for sex and love addiction are some of the fastest growing in the country, and that in-patient recovery facilities are springing up all over. Technology has tossed gasoline onto what was a steady flame. What Internet porn is to sex addiction, online dating is to love addiction. Tinder, bless its objectifying soul, is the best/worst of both worlds. No one on Tinder cares about what you’re doing with your life, or what 6 things you can’t live without. All anyone reads is the cleavage and abs.
I am, please note, in no way opposed to the existence of Tinder or Match or OK Cupid because they are dangerous for sex and love addicts. That’s the sex and love addict’s problem. It would be like decrying craft beer because some people are alcoholic. No, I decry craft beer because some people are pretentious, self-important hipsters. And that’s their problem.”
Some amazing words for thought, whether you identify as a sex and love addict, or not.
And think about this:
With all our own feverish, far-reaching online searches for everlasting love or sizzling sex, are we really that far from being love and sex junkies, ourselves?
Definitely something to think about…
If you’d like to comment on Ethlie’s twitter “take” on sex and love addicts, or anything I’ve shared with you in this blog, please leave your remarks in the comments section below. We’d love to hear what you think!