Perhaps the darkest side of the Honeymoon Period is addiction. Obsessional thinking and compulsive behavior are the major blocks to any successful beginning of a love relationship. And the last thing you need to crop up as you take that first step into love with your new partner, is anything that walks, talks, or looks like addictive behavior.
While addiction takes many forms for those who fall into its shadowy depths, most of us have a general idea of what it looks like and all the wreckage it often leaves in its wake. The worst part of addiction is that no one’s immune to its destructive effects, not to mention how fast trust is destroyed as the lies surface and the relationship sadly dies a tragic death. The chance to love and be loved is squelched – the potential for long-term intimacy is lost.
Here are some definitions of addiction:
“Addiction is any pathological relationship between a mind-altering substance or behavior that has life-damaging consequences.”
“Addiction is the use of a substance or activity, for the purpose of lessening pain or augmenting pleasure, by a person who has lost control over the rate, frequency, or duration of its use, and whose life has become progressively unmanageable as a result.”
“Addiction is an unhealthy and unworkable way to avoid reality, to self-medicate, to lessen the pain of life’s day-to-day problems and challenges.”
Behaviors become addictive when there’s a loss of control, abuse, or one just can’t stop the destructive habit, therefore bringing the result of pain, disorder, and even death. No matter what particular form an addiction takes, one thing is for sure: the underlying causes and basic mechanisms are basically the same. Addiction is addiction, is addiction…
When it comes to your own Honeymoon Period success, you’ll need to understand toxic behaviors and thinking. If you find yourself or your new partner sinking into any addictive behaviors, including drugs, alcohol, problem gambling, over eating, work addiction, sex addiction – even getting hooked on the other ( love addiction?), some kind of corrective action, legal or otherwise, will be essential.
Aside from running for the hills, if things do get too out-of-hand, you may want to consider speaking to an experienced addiction therapist before your Honeymoon Period has a chance to lose its potential and needlessly fizzle out. Who knows? Maybe you and your partner can work it out – sometimes an optimal way to grow together in a promising love relationship. But if there’s ANY abuse, whether it be sexual, emotional, or physical, coming from you or your partner, eject, abort, and leave the unhealthy situation – fast.
Addiction, if not dealt with, is a serious disease of extremes and tends to progress down a very slippery and scary slope. Now, we’re not talking here about an occasional glass of wine, a once-in-awhile trip to the casino, or the person who works hard at his job. We’re talking about erratic, out-of-control, and extremely destructive behavior.
So, it’s vital that you examine yourself, your new love, and what’s actually happening in your new relationship. Ask yourself what you believe a healthy relationship should look like, trust your gut, and go from there.
*If you’d like to know more about addiction, including the less-talked about love addiction, especially as it relates to the Honeymoon Period of relationships, consider the purchase of my new potentially life-changing book, Honeymoon Forever; Secrets to Long-Term Intimacy.