As an interested writer and mental health practitioner, who routinely pens books and blogs about the Honeymoon Period of love relationships, I’m constantly asked these same basic questions over and over again:
How long does the Honeymoon Period last?
Why does the Honeymoon Period eventually seem to always wane?
What can we do about it?
Well, maybe I can help to shed some light on this sometimes confusing and controversial phenomenon, and hopefully help you to successfully navigate your way through your own Honeymoon Period.
So how long does the Honeymoon Period actually last? Is there a fixed limit to this beginning phase of love relationships?
Well, as you might expect, there’s really no exact length of time when it comes to Honeymoon Periods, especially when considering human differences. I mean, God knows how different we all are, especially when it comes to that incredibly unique chemistry that’s created and experienced by any two hopeful lovers.
For some couples, the initial excitement, novelty, and strong mutual attraction wears off very quickly, as the relationship moves to new levels of involvement.
For others, according to my studied observations, the average Honeymoon Period naturally begins to wane over a few months, or maybe a year.
Then, there’s those blessed couples who’ve figured out how to experience the reality of a “Honeymoon Forever,” a shared love that can potentially last forever, which just happens to be the basis for my latest e-book, Honeymoon Forever: Secrets to Life-Long Intimacy.
You can read the first third of it for free here (or just enter your email address at the end of this article).
So why does the Honeymoon Period wane?
A fair question, to be sure. Through my research and experience with couples, there does appear to be a natural tendency or waning inherent to most Honeymoon Periods.
As I state in my book:
“HMP’s do wane, especially when submerged personal issues or challenges surface – and they always do. Often, these issues can even be directly triggered by the other, consciously or unconsciously. They might be as simple as disputes over cooking dinner or keeping the place clean, or as impactful and complex as deep-seated insecurities and intimacy issues born from one’s personal past. These hot-button issues and patterns will come up, and they will challenge each relationship participant: count on it!”
Roadblocks to long-lasting love
Unfortunately, there’s plenty of emotional and behavioral roadblocks that can hasten this slow-down or diminishing of the Honeymoon Period:
“Things become less exciting, less in the moment, and stale; minute details can take the place of openness and creativity; sexual enjoyment can diminish, and criticism may increase. Many people feel a loss of independence and a gnawing sense of relationship claustrophobia (“she never lets me have any time to myself…”). Heated arguments flare-up when little, trivial things or expectations that were once overlooked take front and center. One person may become more dependent while the other pushes away. Insecurities surface (“he looks at other women…”), and one or both may become more defensive as partners become aware of each other’s weaknesses. Some avoidance may take place; communication and time spent together becomes less frequent. Eye contact, hand-holding, hugs, kisses, and other signs of affection decrease. Chivalry becomes less important, partners begin to care less about looking good for the other, and bad habits are no longer hidden (sometimes returning with a vengeance!) Partners listen less and become more distracted. Red flags are now noticed: “I can’t believe I didn’t see this coming… Differences that were suppressed are now revealed; nothing is left to the imagination. It’s all out in the open.”
And these are only some of the reasons why Honeymoon Periods wane!
Then what can I, and my partner, do about it? Is our relationship doomed to a sad and premature ending?
How to fix a relationship
Three words: keep it moving.
With the right concentrated effort and intention, there is a way to slow the waning of most Honeymoon Periods. You see, everything, every challenging issue that inevitably arises between two people, offers an opportunity to grow the relationship. Sharing the personal challenges that come up with your partner is always a risk that requires courage and a willingness to acknowledge that the relationship has evolved to the next level; this kind of openness is actually what keeps it all moving.
Noted psychologist, Nancy Wesson, Ph.D. says that “It is possible to have a successful relationship and to remain special to each other even after many years of being together. However you must be willing to cultivate and build your relationship. The couple relationship itself has its own needs and when these are met, the relationship will creatively evolve over time.”
Common sense, right?
The circle of rebirth and renewal
The trick, then, is not to deny that HMP’s wane, but rather to keep the process moving forward. And with this conscious, mutual effort, the HMP moves like a free-flowing river, in a steady, circular motion, never constricted by finite time. A love relationship has to be continually reborn, for this is the key—the secret to everlasting romance.
As I also write, “When challenges signal a waning HMP, there’s always a chance to recreate or renew the magic that made the HMP blossom in the first place. Remember: we’ve been talking about the HMP as a cycle that requires attention and focus, something that needs purposeful momentum in order to keep moving.”
Two committed lovers, acting as fully involved participants in this new pursuit of intimacy, is what fuels the momentum to create a love that never has to fade into oblivion.
It’s all about asking yourself one question: are you committed to keeping the passion alive?
If so, then nothing can stop you.
Check out my book for a much deeper discussion of this “cyclical relationship mindset.” You just have to believe that eternal love—a Honeymoon Forever—really is possible, and then stay committed to achieving it!