It’s so easy for us professionals working in the relationship field to sit back and comment on human phenomena such as the Honeymoon Period of love relationships. But what about the responses from those who are actually “in” the Honeymoon Period experience – new couples with in-the-moment, first-hand knowledge? How do they feel about this exciting and challenging beginning stage of a relationship?
Cut To: A crowded West Los Angeles restaurant. Don H, a mortgage broker in his early thirties, was sitting side-by-side at a booth with his new “love,” a middle school teacher, also in her early 30’s, named Rebecca B. This was a truly handsome couple.
We couldn’t help but notice their shared exuberance, arms wrapped tightly around each other, full of smiles and laughing way. (They were even sharing their food!) This couple was full of excitement, joy, and hope as they spoke intelligently and openly with us about the different aspects of the Honeymoon Period they were currently experiencing. They seemed to “glow” with admiration for one another as we approached them for an interview, which they gladly accepted.
Here are a few revealing excerpts from this particular interview:
Q: So how do you define the Honeymoon Period? Just what is it?
Rebbeca: “Well, for me, it’s a spiritual kind of thing… I think the Honeymoon Period is all about the beginning, the creation of true love together. It’s not something false or meaningless. For me, it’s an important time when two people seem to think so much alike, and start to create a real mental union, a spiritual union. I know Don’s willing to join me, to get to know me, and to really connect with me…”
Don: “I think it’s when you fall in love, and you can see yourself in the other, the good and the bad. It’s when you both obviously like each other even though you don’t really totally know that person yet. You don’t know about what might get on your nerves. And I think there’s a tendency to think the other person is perfect when you’re in the Honeymoon Period… But as the Honeymoon Period goes along, I think you find out things about their personality, some good, some not so good.”
Rebecca: “Yeah, I think that’s true… But what I like is that we have a chance to learn from each other as the Honeymoon Period moves along… You know, about how to build trust with each other… Work on our relationship skills… For me, the Honeymoon Period is really a spiritual journey. It’s definitely something spiritual…”
Don: “True… it’s pretty spiritual for me, too… And I’ll tell ya… this isn’t my first Honeymoon Period. But I think I’ve learned a lot about myself from my other experiences… At least for me, it gets better each time because I try to pay attention to what’s really going on. I’m trying to stay out of the fantasy and deal with the reality right in front of me. Of course, I hope this is the last one I go through…” (He kisses Rebecca on the nose. She smiles at him.)
Rebecca: “It just feels like total harmony. It feels peaceful and kind of wonderfully exciting all at the same time… And I can share my emotions with Don that I normally wouldn’t necessarily share with others… And I guess I feel more free to be myself… You know, more open…”
Don: “Me, too… But I have to admit, I’m also on my best behavior… But I think the Honeymoon Period definitely signals the start of something good. And you know, there’s that feeling of hope… Hope for a great future, and a long future together… It’s about new possibilities…”
Rebecca: “Yeah, I like that… (They kiss.) And I think I’m generally more productive in all parts of my life when I’m in the Honeymoon Period. I’m definitely happier at work and get more things done since I met Don… I’m actually more creative and not so bogged down with stuff about loneliness or all the pity stuff of why I’m not in a relationship… I feel really connected with Don… It’s nice to have someone like that in my life… I like the feeling… It helps with my potential…”
Don: “Yeah. We’re definitely into each other… I guess I’m not so interested in the possible red flags or what might go wrong… It’s just moving along so smoothly… Like we’re synchronized… So far, I think we’re doing great!” (Don looks endearingly at Rebecca).
Rebecca: “Yeah… It’s like the Honeymoon Period has a life of its own… I don’t have to keep analyzing it… It just flows for me…”
Don: “For me, too…”
A “COUPLE” OF IMPRESSIONS
This couple, as with many of those we’ve interviewed, appears to personify many of the basic positive traits and characteristics of the HMP experience. It appears that Don and Rebecca have done their “psychological homework.” Each one is embarking on the HMP in a conscious way with eyes wide open, and seems to be enjoying the experience to the fullest!
During our time with Don and Rebecca, there was an almost palpable feeling of aliveness, excitement, and great expectations emanating from this happy couple. We heard the pet names and experienced the adrenaline surge of optimism, as well as thoughtful and honest responses to our probing (and sometimes challenging) questions.
The attention and affection freely given to the other was touching to observe − not at all trite or objectionable. We noticed a positive spirit of non-judgmental communication, an overwhelming acceptance of the other, a flexible and accommodating behavior.
*For more of the interview with this insightful Honeymoon Period couple, check out the follow-up post, “The Honeymoon Period – A Couple’s Eye View – Part II.” (Our observations and comments about this revealing discussion are included).