“Serendipity, you can choose who to protect and who to share life with, but you cannot choose who to love, for love isn’t a choice, but destiny.” – Anon.
“Let’s build a master plan for the consensus of our love.” -LovePlanning.Org
Relationship Expert and matchmaker, Bari Lyman, sent me an email today, with a brief yet rather interesting blog.
It got my attention, because, not only do I constantly write and speak about relationships, but because it brought up an age-old quandary:
Is love like all those romantic movies, where fate so often happens to two people? They meet, kiss, and magically fall in love.
Is that how love really happens, or is that just wishful thinking, in the formulized realm of pure Hollywood fantasy?
But, if that’s not how real life works, then what does it take to fall in love?
Is it destiny or some kind of premeditated strategy?
Lyman appears to opt for the second possibility. She believes that love takes preparation, and can even require a plan.
She believes that everything in life takes effort, including love relationships.
True, love does take hard work – but having a plan?
A Number’s Game
Lyman then comments:
“Dating is a number’s game. Which means you have to put yourself out there—time and again. And not only that, but you need to date in a structured and inspired way so that you can be in the right place, at the right time, and recognize Mr. or Mrs. Right when they cross your path.”
Yes, dating tends to be a number’s game, where, like it or not, you’ve got to get yourself out there in order to let in potential love, when it presents itself.
Knock on 100 doors…
Well, you get the idea.
Then Bari explains three things in order to make love happen:
- You, being open and ready for love—and free and clear of anything that could get in your way. If you have dating blind spots, or you’re pining over someone from the past, you won’t have enough space in your heart for someone new. That kind of regret kicks you out of the present and prevents you from moving forward in your love life.
So, here’s that often talked about “past baggage” argument, where unresolved issues keep one from being able to fully participate in new love.
I agree with that.
It’s always a good idea to deal with past abuses and disappointments before engaging in a love relationship. After all, a lot of my counseling practice has to do with helping individuals acknowledge their previous hurts, work through them, and then moving on to new lives, and to new loves.
Regarding her second point:
2.“A vision of what you want your future to look like—and the person you want to share that future with”
It’s always positive notion to visualize how you want your future to look, right down to the man or woman you want to share that future with.
It also helps to know who or what you don’t want in your life.
It’s her third point that presents a bit of a problem for me:
3.“A plan to bring that vision to life.”
Lyman says that, with a plan, ”dating can be fun and inspired, and can lead to a lifetime of happiness with the right person”.
I’m just not sure that planning for love is all that fun and romantic, or, at the end of the day, even a possibility.
A Plan or a Mystery?
In a nutshell, Lyman thinks that you can make love happen – if you have a plan.
I’m not too sure about her premise.
At least for me, there’s something unforeseen and almost magical about how most people meet.
There’s a romantic element and an almost mystical timing that really can’t be planned or predicted.
How two people meet and fall in love is often a mystery to me.
My parents met by pure chance, and stayed married for 71 years!
In talking to my father and mother, I don’t think they ever had an actual plan, when it came to who or how they would eventually marry. They certainly didn’t know that they’d be together for over seven decades!
Now, there’s a mystery to contemplate!
Knowing who you are, dealing successfully with a difficult past, having a pretty good grasp of reality and a general idea of who the right partner might be for you, is one thing.
Visualizing your ideal future can be very helpful, too.
But, actually having a plan to make love happen?
I don’t think so.
Just ask my folks…
Is love just a matter of luck? Is it destiny? Or can you plan for love? Maybe the answer lies somewhere in between? What’s been your experience with love? Did you plan for it? Did you prepare for it? We’d like to hear your ideas on the subject. Please give us your feedback in the comments section below!